is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
