How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
