I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
