Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
