Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
