Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize