Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
