I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your cock deserves a montage
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
