Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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