she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
