just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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