I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like iHOP with fire
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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