There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
