I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
