he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
