You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
