New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
