All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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