I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
