4 words: hood of his car
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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