I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
