What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
