her vagine was all disorganized.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
