I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
