i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i believe in u and ur pee
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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