i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
