The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
