He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Found your dick twin last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
