make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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