I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
