haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
