it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
