I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
