i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Acid is not a monday night drug
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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