Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
