Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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