she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
