Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
