she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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