I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
