so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
