i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
