Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
