8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
They should really pass out barf bags in church
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
