WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
