no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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