Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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