yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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