i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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