i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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