Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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