dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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