dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
