I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
