If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
