I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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