I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
