Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
