Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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