I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
