I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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