This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
