I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize