from now on my penis is your penis
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
