About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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