youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize