God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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