my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
