dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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