There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
